5 Surefire Ways to Piss Off the Bartender

on 02/11/10 at 9:10 am

Booze News, BoozeBlog

Ever wonder why everyone but you has a drink? If you find yourself engaged in any of the following behaviors, it could be because you pissed off the bartender. While I have no tolerance for snobby, stupid bartenders, adhering to the list below is a great way to avoid being blacklisted by the barkeep. Bartenders are certainly not always right, but when you come to play on their court it’s by their rules. Hopefully the list below will help you to secure a cocktail more quickly. Sure bartenders see the worst of people; but with the five tips below and a touch of basic courtesy, you might just become the shining star in your favorite watering hole.

5. Ask “Do you know how to make a…” No, but I do know how to make people who only know the name of one drink (and it came from a laminated, spiral-bound menu) feel really stupid. Why do you ask? My profession is making people drinks, if I don’t know what it is you probably shouldn’t be ordering it by name. This also applies to the “What’s good?” question.

4. Freak out when you get your tab. Your drunk ass ordered the round of 12 shots of Patrón for the table of losers, not me. If paying for all of the drinks you order is going to cause you to melt down and not tip the bartender, maybe you shouldn’t be sitting in a bar. I’ve certainly been down to my last 10 bucks many times, but think about it and I’m sure you can come up three better ways to spend it before I can even pour the first drink.

3. Have no clue what you want to drink. If you have been waiting at the bar, you should know what the hell you want by the time I ask for your order. If you don’t know and start to stammer, or ask the yuppie next to you what he is having, I’m gone  – look at my back and think of a drink. If you need time to ponder like it’s Final Jeopardy back away from the bar, gather your thoughts and come back when you’re ready.

2. Put your hands in the fruit. As a general rule while visiting a bar: Keep your grubby mitts to yourself. I’ve seen the percentage of men who wash their hands after using the restroom, and no one wants a urine-flavored lime wedge for their cocktail.

1. Do not ever wave, snap or whistle at the bartender. I am not your pet and I will make sure that you are the last person in the entire bar to get a drink if you call me over as such. Hell yes, I see you jumping up and down waving a five-dollar bill like you just got your allowance – I am ignoring you moron!

BoozeNews.com welcomes Joshua Darnell. Josh is the Merchandising Team Lead for FoodServiceWarehouse.com, a foodservice equipment and supply provider that also specializes in industry education. He writes the Gin & Bear It blog which incorporates his more than 13 years of bartending and serving experience with his passion for both spirits and the stories they inspire.

Have you been guilty of pissing off the bartender? Do tell!

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