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“a woman walks into a bar…” Lesbian Libations with Mary and Erika

on 31/03/14 at 9:24 am

a woman walks into a bar..., Booze News, BoozeBlog

woman-barfinal2Whoa Nelly! Hang on tight because the stories this little drinking session generated are one for the books. You know, you go out for a drink with cool, new friends figuring you’re still getting to know one another and…BOOM. You’re suddenly, like, six degrees from one another.

I met Mary and Erika at a mutual friend’s wine tasting and we had an instant rapport where, you know, you talk for hours and are eventually kicked out so the hosts can go to bed. So it was inevitable that we’d meet up again asap.

We meet at Sara the Wine Bar which is in an odd little mini-mall in Culver City. It’s Happy Hour. Settling in, we order the house red and chat about how odd this place is when we notice a foursome sitting on the little patio and it looks like one of the guys…maybe? Could be? A celebrity?! Wearing the requisite dark glasses and calculated attitude, he gets up and swaggers by our table. Our anticipation deflates faster than a rubber balloon as our eyes go blank. No one recognizes him. Mary casually remarks, in jaded Hollywood style, “I thought he was somebody but he’s nobody.” Ouch. Yawn. You’ve gotta have a thick coat of psychic armour here in LaLaLand even if you don’t realize you’ve just been tossed onto the junk heap of nobodies.

So, moving the conversation right along, we discuss the virtues of a video about donkeys and gorillas mating (no, not with each other) that a friend sent (suuure) to Mary and Erika. With appropriate astonishment, they say the donkey’s dick was surprisingly gigantic. How big you ask? They cheerfully show me how big (see photo)…and I guess there was a horse somewhere in the video because Mary says it was even BIGGER! Which naturally leads to an interesting discussion about ape fellatio. This is what groovy people talk about at a wine bar.



But wait. There’s more. Having exhausted the topic of the non-celebrity event and the technicalities of bestiality, Mary mentions something about her brother Jack and all of a sudden a light bulb goes off in my head and I realize I know Mary’s brother from my political life, a lifetime ago. Of course, much excitement ensues and I recount how I had encouraged Jack’s then wife to leave him (a mismatch), which she subsequently did, and then stayed with me for a few months til she moved on with her new boyfriend, now husband. If I remember correctly, Jack was not happy with me. But  six degrees of separation established!

We schmooze about politics, people we know, family, when Mary blithely drops a bombshell that her brother, James, “was one of the bank robbers who pulled off one of the biggest bank heists ever in Los Angeles history.”  Conversation comes to a screeching halt. “What? The heist in the Valley? I remember that on the news. When was that?” “1992…he gets out in seven years.” Holy cow. Suddenly her large Irish family morphs from garden-variety to vivid Technicolor and everything else fades to black and white. “Mary, tell me more! How did this happen?”

Well, this is a crazy and sad story, of course, when a beloved family member goes off the rails but it’s also, let’s admit it, fascinating. Mary relates the gripping details of her brother’s descent from gorgeous model to deluded bank robber, how he and his partner studiously planned it and pulled it off, what they cleverly did with the money, the family dynamics and how everyone in the family was affected. I am withholding the riveting details because it’s Mary’s story to tell. Truly an epic narrative if there ever was one that I hope Mary will bring to life in a blockbuster book because I haven’t even touched on the scope of it. It’s not just the story of a bank heist but of the mosaic of characters – both family members and James’ cohorts – and the events leading up to it that is truly captivating. The LA Times covered the heist and the trial.

Gorgeous. Jim modeling

Gorgeous. Jim modeling

Not to leave Erika out of this…she has her own crazy family (who doesn’t?!) but it’s hard to top having a brother whose personal history is so arresting, so to speak. Could I have more sensational drinking companions than Mary and Erika? I think not. Great raconteurs and totally fun! See what happens when you go out for a drink? You learn a few unexpected and curious things – like gorilla fellatio – and your view of the world changes in mysterious ways. Cheers!

11800 W Jefferson Blvd.
Culver City, CA 90230
(424) 228-4750