Prediction: You Will Want To Try Everyone Of These 5 Single-Malts
on 19/01/11 at 6:20 pmSpirits
Every sum’bitch that has a negative comment about the single-malts referenced in this installment of “More reasons Scotch is cooler than Wine” can kiss my ass. All you guys (and without any research whatsoever, I can predict with a 98.76% degree of accuracy that if you’re a liquor snob, you’re also a dude) just need to chill-the-f*@#-out and get over yourselves. No, I haven’t tried the 69yr old, Glenfuck’n-in-the-attic Islay that Captain Pike strained through a Pirate flag before he single-handedly, knife-clenched-in-teeth, decimated the Klingon horde. Yes, I get it that you think that because you have it makes you cool. Let the record state that (1) it doesn’t, but that (2) I get it that you think it does.
Having reclaimed the moral high-ground from the ne’er-do-well liquor-snobs, I think it’s philosophically responsible – nay, required – that I point out the obvious: drinking Scotch is fuckin-A-cool, no matter which make & model you choose. And I’ll even extend that graciousness all the way down to you scourge-of-humanity, blended-drinking-vermin. (I’m lookin’ at YOU Tommy W. You know who you are.) So come all ye’ faithful and *** all you playful, it’s time to get down to the bizness at hand.
|Glenmorangie 12This scotch is better than porn. In fact, it’s not only better than porn, it’s better than internet porn. And considering that 192% of all internet traffic either originates from porn or is destined towards porn, that’s saying something. My first impression upon drinking this Scotch was this: gratuitous image of giant phallic symbol erupting. And yes, I do mean to imply that this UK booze is akin to drinking Led Zeppelin. In fact, this Scotch is equivalent to the wah-wah peddle on Jimmy Page’s guitar in “Trampled Under Foot“. Yeah, it’s that fucking good.|